Moderate Living

Hello, I'm Mike – I write every Tuesdays and Fridays

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Little Black Dress

It’s 10:50AM and I am suffering from one of the worst headaches ever. I’ve already taken Alleve pills so I”m just sitting patiently for them to work.

Last night, I went out on a dinner date with a woman (not the one my cousin introduced me to) that I met through one of those premium dating apps. It was a very low expectation kind of date.

But I realized something afterwards.

Being “on” all throughout the date, being intellectually sharp and tight with what you say while keeping a sensual tone, and then having the baseline energy for the post-date is very physically demanding – never mind the brain compute used.

People will say that this is modern romance but there is almost nothing organically romantic about this. I’m 48 and she is presumably around that age vicinity. Romantic is a guy and a girl in their early to mid 20’s, swimming against the expectations and shame mechanisms of modernism, pair bonding in love and deciding to prioritize each other as a team through good and bad.

This woman and I are coelacanths that just happened to find each other in the murky, brackish waters of our aggregate lives lived alone. The only reason people associate romance with this pairing is because at her age, she has perfected her technique in wielding the effective feminine power of a little black dress – and I still know the signaling power of a suit, tie and expensive watch. The date was a more imprecise version of a stylized film as we both knew what the ultimate purpose of it was – we just both understood that there was a need for a baseline courtship ritual for plausible deniability.

I don’t know how I was able to make the drive home, but all I know is that I was so tired I didn’t even change out of my clothes. I only had enough time to respond to one friend’s social media post before passing out for the night. That’s probably why I developed this morning headache. I probably rested my neck in a very awkward position for hours before my body forced itself to reposition. I am almost positive it was the same for her after I left.

Don’t mind me y’all. I’m just venting because I got a terrible headache out of last night. I probably would be in a much more neutral mood if I woke up without one lol.

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42 responses to “Little Black Dress”

  1. Ana Daksina Avatar
    Ana Daksina

    Many of us are experiencing total burnout with the constant petty signaling, bargaining and appeasement our culture presently understands as relationship. You are not alone in being alone, haha.

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      you touched on a great point Ana! you are so articulate 🙂

      there’s too much price discovery movement but not enough price agreeing LOL ;D

      Reply
      1. Ana Daksina Avatar
        Ana Daksina

        When it comes to love there shouldn’t be a price at all ~ it’s supposed to be win-win, right? Haha, “Buyt LA-A-DY, it’s a BAR-gain!!!”

        Reply
  2. MJ🍸 Avatar
    MJ🍸

    I’m sorry you are hurting. I suffer migraines as well so I know the annoyance and pain.
    Sending good vibes and prayers your way.
    I know you’re tired, and reasonably so, however, you are trying something and that’s a wonderful thing!
    My dad has been a bachelor for twenty-six years. After my mother left, (as soon as I, the youngest moved all the way to VA at 18), he mourned her a couple years, then empowered himself by doing all that he ever wanted to, running half marathons, going on trips, and concerts. All of this with zero central vision. He has the incurable macular degeneration. I asked him why he never dated and he said, he didn’t want to bend anymore or try to make someone fit in his life, and he finally is doing what he wants in life. Living not existing.
    He’s pretty amazing. He knows what he wants and he’s become protective of it. Once he healed from the relationship he had with my mother, he really came into his own identity. He’s seventy-six now and though I wish he had allowed himself to make a connection, because he’s too kind and wonderful to be alone, and selfishly it would give me peace knowing he has a partner in crime, however, I love our daily talks and helping him get his groceries and whatnot delivered.
    Sorry, for the novel here, I just felt compelled to share that with you.
    You deserve whatever present and future you desire.
    Keep going! -MJ🍸

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      thank you MJ 🙂 yes, i think it’s the headache that’s doing the talking. i’m a little bit better but the ache is still there. as for your father, i’m honored that you shared something so personal with me. it makes me so happy to hear about men and women who are self-aware of how short life is and choose to adapt instead of trying to fight the reality. i also know a woman who is just like your Dad and to watch her just go about her business and live her life is inspiring! btw – it’s so cool that you talk to your Dad every day. I talk to my Mom every day and I value our time so much. 🙂

      Reply
      1. MJ🍸 Avatar
        MJ🍸

        Yes, I even had my dad riding a bike next to me for a short while two years back. The trust that we have is something else.
        I talk with my mom and her husband once a month or so. It kills me how time has aged them. My mother sent me a card some time ago and I saw how her handwriting has deteriorated. It broke something in me. She once had such lovely penmanship and now… it’s legible but not the same. If I had the ability to cry, I would have. Just thinking of it now, I feel the sting.
        I’m glad you are feeling a bit better and it’s wonderful to talk with your mother daily. They’ve given us so much.

        Reply
        1. Michael Williams Avatar
          Michael Williams

          well, MJ, i’m here to tell you we all have our folks with us for the next 30 years and beyond and they are going to be healthy enough to annoy us to no end lol <3 and your folks will get to the point where your kiddo can go hang out with them during and past college 🙂 no need to feel sad at all…love will find a way! ;D

          Reply
  3. CJ Antichow Avatar
    CJ Antichow

    I’m sorry for laughing but you make me laugh 😂
    “while keeping a sensual tone…”
    Maybe you’re trying too hard lol, anyway we’ve all heard it, you naturally have a sensual tone!
    Hope your headache goes away Mike, thanks for sharing this with us! Umm maybe try coffee n chocolate for that headache ☕️🍫

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      hahaha! it does sound contrary doesn’t it? but you get what i was trying to say. hell, i wouldn’t be surprised if it was all that talking and afterwards that gave me the headache lol

      Reply
      1. CJ Antichow Avatar
        CJ Antichow

        😂🤣😇

        Reply
        1. Michael Williams Avatar
          Michael Williams

          lololol 😀

          Reply
  4. vermavkv Avatar
    vermavkv

    What an honest and engaging reflection. I especially appreciated your candid observations about the emotional and mental energy that modern dating can require, particularly later in life when both people bring decades of experiences, expectations, and habits to the table. Your writing balances humor, self-awareness, and insight beautifully. The comparison to “coelacanths in murky waters” is both memorable and surprisingly poignant. Here’s hoping the headache fades quickly and leaves behind only the interesting reflections from the evening. Wishing you a speedy recovery and smoother adventures ahead! 😊

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      thank you Vijay! yes, the headache has faded meaningfully but boy, it was very very difficult to get through! your insights are very much appreciated!

      Reply
  5. Tom Darby Avatar
    Tom Darby

    Coelacanths — that’s funny, and yet, an apt description

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      Tom, long have I looked to the gods wondering if there will ever be a day I can use Coelacanths in a WordPress post. Today, the gods looked from Olympus down upon me with kind eyes. hahaha

      Reply
  6. Lori Pohlman Avatar
    Lori Pohlman

    Hoping you are feeling better, and that your future holds chance encounters that bring joy. It’s still possible, I’m sure!

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      thank you Lori! i should clarify, i’m not really in that “market” it’s just that this particular date took more out of me than I anticipated. but never say never, right? 🙂

      Reply
      1. Lori Pohlman Avatar
        Lori Pohlman

        Absolutely!

        Reply
  7. ibarynt Avatar
    ibarynt

    Does intellectual and sensual go together? 😆

    Dating today does sound like a lot of work I don’t understand. And it actually gives one a headache. I’m sorry you got a headache Mike. I hope it eases up and you can go about your day.

    Even with the headache you can still write a fun and funny post 😆

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      😀 thank you Iba! i’m glad you enjoyed.

      even though the headache is pretty much gone, it was a tough one to get through my goodness…

      Reply
      1. ibarynt Avatar
        ibarynt

        Now the badness knows it has a tough fight against the goodness 😆.

        Reply
        1. Michael Williams Avatar
          Michael Williams

          LOL 😀

          Reply
  8. Fairweather Walker Avatar
    Fairweather Walker

    It’s hard to imagine being on a first date again after 25 years “off the market.” But if you meet someone you really are drawn to, then it will be pure fun.

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      that’s true Fairweather! and it’s really nice when i see people in that type of situation hit it off. i think alot of people really need that type of steadying anchor in their lives. and i am pro-relationships. but I will say (also, i should have clarified) that i’m not the type to need nor want it. maybe it was just the way I spent my 20’s but i just pretty much became a serial dater and, with only a very few times where I was sort of ready to settle down, my instincts moved the needle too far in the opposite way.

      i’ve always been in A market, so to speak, but it’s not THE market that funnels into the traditional setup.

      however, I was just shocked at how differently this particular time went. and it makes me wonder if I’ve literally hit some type of age wall.

      but at least the headache is gone though, thank goodness!

      Reply
  9. Mindful Mystic (MM) Avatar
    Mindful Mystic (MM)

    Sounds exhausting! Do you think there will be a second date? Something more casual like mini-golf and a great, local food truck?

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      i think we’ve hit it off enough that there will be subsequent dates but i’m sure she’s also sorting her options. it seems like nothing stays on solid foundations after a certain phase in life. but i should have clarified that my concern doesn’t lay in that type of market at all. so in that sense, we are both compatible! but yes, a local food truck date may be in the works!

      Reply
  10. Nancy Homlitas Avatar
    Nancy Homlitas

    Dating is not for the weak of heart. The most comfortable dates are when you kind of know someone because your paths often cross. They’re already aware if you’re a goof and are comfortable with it. You can relax and be your uncensored self. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      this is true and very well said Nancy 🙂

      Reply
  11. Hazel Avatar
    Hazel

    Courtship ritual line made me smile.🤭 I think you need more sleep for another date.🤩 Interesting story, kuya Mike

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      yes Hazel! I think it’s time I incorporated more napping and less running around 😁😁

      Reply
  12. justrojie Avatar
    justrojie

    but will there be a second date?? inquiring minds want to know!!

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      I’m sure there will be! she told me she was also talking to other guys which simplifies things a lot!

      Reply
      1. justrojie Avatar
        justrojie

        Well I hope it goes well if you do!

        Reply
  13. Sheila Avatar
    Sheila

    I hope your headache didn’t last long. I know how horrible they can be. I often get a migraine after a stressful social event. May the next date be more relaxing for you. I’m a tad older than you and have been married for 30 years and we still have romance!

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      yes! I was just saying that the effort itself during the dinner was probably a big reason why I got the headache. as you know, too much lighting, too much thinking, too much neurons bouncing around can cause headaches. but here’s an interesting thing too, I’m also wondering if it was related to the food. now that I think about it, that was no ordinary headache. I think both you and I have had enough headaches to know when something is your regular run of the mill headache and when it’s some external cause – because I had fish for dinner and I know that fish or chicken compromised or undercooked is literally a recipe for disaster!

      Reply
  14. Edward Ortiz Avatar
    Edward Ortiz

    I learned in a chemistry class that the best combination to get rid of a headache is caffeine, aspirin (assuming that a person can take it), and acetaminophen. I always have Excedrin available for that reason. Dating? Good luck, my friend. I told my wife that if for whatever reason I’m single again, I would not be going through the dating experience. There’s just too much going on with all of that.

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      perhaps, the cure may not be the important discovery here Edward. could there be a causal relationship between the dating and the headache 😂😂😂

      btw thanks for the tip. you know, I’m already up to three Alleve pills per headache and I desperately want to reduce it. even acetaminophen can’t help me now, nor does ibuprofen. it’s all naproxen from here on out!

      Reply
      1. Edward Ortiz Avatar
        Edward Ortiz

        Maybe! 🤣 Yeah, Excedrin is the only one that does it for me. I take ibuprofen when my back is going crazy. I have 800 mg caps that work miracles when the back pain is a bit too much.

        Reply
  15. Betty Avatar
    Betty

    Michael, I laughed at this — especially the “coelacanths” line. 😂 But I wonder if the headache wasn’t only from the food, the lighting, or sleeping awkwardly in your clothes. Lighting can definitely affect the eyes and trigger migraines too, especially if your vision is already working overtime. Have you gotten your new glasses yet?

    That said, I also wonder if part of the headache came from the strain of performing in a dating ritual that doesn’t quite feel true to you. Knowing the game, playing it well, and still feeling detached from it sounds exhausting in itself.

    Maybe the real challenge isn’t modern dating so much as figuring out how to be fully yourself inside a ritual that often rewards performance. Either way, I hope the headache leaves soon so you can feel better!

    Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      Betty, i’ts so funny you asked because I know I had fish that night for the dinner. and i was thinking that this headache was so bad that it was reminiscent of food poisoning. the only reason why i didn’t think of it was because i didn’t vomit. but now, i think the fish had something to do with it.

      but taking that out, yes – there probably was some part of the overall performance of the date that left me susceptible to a headache lol.

      i’m glad you liked the Coelacanths line. I am fascinated with the story of that fish and anytime where I can bring it up tangentially, i’ll do it hahaha

      have a great day Betty!

      Reply
  16. misifusa Avatar
    misifusa

    I like to learn something new everyday so thanks – I had to look up coelacanths! Hope the second date (if there’s one) goes great but without the headache afterwards! 🙂

    Reply
    1. Michael Williams Avatar
      Michael Williams

      aren’t coelacanths so cool? I hear you are DEFINITELY not supposed to cook them because of the taste but then again, because of the nature of their time on earth, I think they are a species that is really protected.

      Reply

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